Martian Menace

In Loving Memory

2010-11-06T13:29:00.000-07:00

Colum Mac Donal Catpig Metzger (April 1997 - November 2010)

As Doreen Tovey once wrote, the only injustice that our pets ever do us is that they do not live as long as we do. As someone else has said, Time spent with cats is never wasted

Goodbye, Colum - we love you, we will miss you, we will see you again someday

My lolcat - yes - I just had to come up with one!

2008-05-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

After all - my kitteh has something to say too!

Impressions of a Spring Evening

2008-05-05T17:12:00.000-07:00

At the outset of the walk, a fierce greeting, a pair of golden retrievers whose wagging tails belie their menace. The ugly Sano Rubin trailers give way to the dead ends and green lawns of upper Scott. The usual turnaround and descent back toward Campbell. In the trees near the retirement community a red-crested woodpecker seeks profit while the nearby stone wall keens for repair. Up again the zig zag way, familiar smells in the air, pork chops, tobacco smoke, lawn fertilizer, burnt Velveeta, lilacs. On one side of Campbell the phoenix sight of my former school, the new creature rising from the ashes of the old, on the other, realtor signs and unconcerned cats. Back past the trailers, a Ransom walk along the ugly slash that was a playground. Up the street a little boy calls my name and an adult helps a small girl steer her flashing-sneaker-powered segway. Why didn't sneakers light up when I was little? More dogs barking, birch trees birching, other people walking past the house that new neighbors moved into. The cemetary, and in the distance the convent plays Ave Maria on the bells. People talking in a lit garage, perhaps about the village wide garage sale to come. Last year I bought a pair of dumb-bells, and someday I will use them.

Everyone's a critic . . . .

2007-12-26T18:08:00.000-08:00

Okay, it may- just MAY - be theoretically possible (as some have contended) that I don't post on my blog as often as I should! I am an open-minded person, willing to take a hard look at the facts and sure, it doesn't exactly look as if I am overwhelming the World Wide Web or Blogger with my sheer volume here, folks . . . .

The fact is, I have been a wee smidge busy, what with the whole caregiver, Election Inspector, NanoWrimo, ML and holidays thing! And also, there is my personal belief that I just don't want to consider every single thing I do a fit item for blogging! Frankly, most of my everyday life is damned dull stuff! However, so as not to disappoint those who expect something more from me, I will present an image to confound and these words on my (exceedingly rare) evening off to prove that I still remember my dashboard password, if only just . . . .

I am not a complete technological dinosaur yet, folks!

Even my bread is being weird this week . . . .

2007-06-09T10:57:00.000-07:00

I've heard the expression half a loaf is better than none, but what about when it's an intruder? I seem to have purchased the amazing Siamese marble bread here! And I didn't even want white bread . . . .

Have contacted the manufacturer already, but I may as well take a poll of my few but loyal readers: is this stuff safe to eat or what?

Should I loaf it or leave it?

Even I don't procrastinate forever . . . .

2007-05-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

Just for a very long time!

But when I'm not writing here, it's because I'm writing elsewhere. 3 Fanfics (yeeks) and the start of a new novel - when the hell do people have time to write blogs???????????

But I do have something worthy to write about here - and that's kiva.org - an organization that helps lift people from around the world out of poverty one microloan at a time. Through kiva.org you can choose a worthy recipient, and help finance a loan that will allow them to start a business and make life better for themselves and their families. At the moment, I've made my first microloan to Christabel omendo, a widowed 65 year old fish-seller in Kenya. I hope if you are reading this you will consider participating in kiva.org as well.

So much for my soapbox!
The cats are fine and say hi to everyone, and I have now weighed down my CD rack in hopes of avoiding any more, ahem, incidents involving a certain butterscotch Knievel wannabe! Hopefully I'll be a little better about blogging as well soon - but I don't want to take a break from writing!

State bene, y'all!!

Now it's Return of the Snuffly!

2007-01-16T14:57:00.000-08:00

Okay, now that I'm finally recovering from the Head Cold From Hell which I got over the holidays (yay.), I'm ready to start posting again - though what to post I'm not sure yet.

Yes, I am still here and once again functioning more or less - sorry for the long absence!!

Well, now that I've established that scintillating fact, think I'll sign off until I can come up with an actual train of thought arriving at the station!

The Return of the Weary . . . .

2006-12-08T04:27:00.000-08:00

Yes, folks - I did it! I wrote a 50,000 word novel in only one month!
Nyah hah haaaa!!!!!
And I'm fine now, except for the voices . . . .

The voi-

What was I saying? Oh, yes. That's right. I'm perfectly fine now. Really!

And hopefully I can edit my new creation Play Dead and revise it sufficiently to have something publishable.

Now if I can just concentrate enough to write something meaningful on my blog . . . .

And if you wondered why my spacing was weird:

2006-10-26T18:35:00.000-07:00

It's because a certain butterscotch someone just jumped on my mouse while I was publishing! Some people worry about writer's block - I worry about writer's cat!

T Minus 5 Days, 2 Hours And 36 Minutes!

2006-10-26T18:29:00.000-07:00

But who's counting?

Nanowrimo is coming, folks!

And with it the unprecedented opportunity to inflict more weird literature
on the world!! (And did anyone really doubt my literature would be weird?)

Join us! It is the will of Landru . . . . well, okay, just the will of me and a whole lot of others!
Write on!

Well, I SAID I was going to do it!

2006-10-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, so even if my year hasn't been going very smoothly, I am now officially signed up for this year's NANOWRIMO!! Registering is the easy part, of course - writing a 50,000 word novel from scratch in only one month beginning on November 1st will be slightly trickier . . . . So wish me well!

Oh, and if you are a certain were-parsnip reading this - je te port un defi! Join me, my friend! I know you can do it!

End of the Day

2006-10-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

The rain has stopped
finally,
and cats creep out around the village.
Disdainful of wet grass they sit,
statues of themselves,
while the wet breeze carries the scent
of Sunday laundry detergent.
The sparkling sun is sinking and
a drizzle returns.
The statues vanish.
A cat has more sense than I.

Going About In Gotham . . . .

2006-07-25T16:52:00.000-07:00

A snippet from my travels of the past week . . . .

"Tuesday, July 18, 2006:

I have felt the hot breath of the New York city subway on the back of my neck and on the back of my legs, which ran with sweat. The subway trains themselves are cool and air-conditioned, but expel their exhaust heat directly into the tunnels, so that comfort is a fleeting illusion underground. As I make my way back with my wallet and safety intact, I feel the thrill yet vague disappointment that the city dwellers are not the thugs we upstaters often expect, but just the decent people they by and large are. No doubt some of them would be equally downcast to see us country folk exhibit an I.Q. above 20 and fail to express an interest in seducing our cousins or our livestock . . . ."

Okay, enough with the prosaic stuff! The main thing is, I had a dandy visit down in the big ol' apple - although the heat on Tuesday was indeed brutal. A certain librarian friend of mine informs me that someone literally cooked an egg on the city sidewalk that day to prove a point, and I can well believe it! Fortunately, when Traveling Companion and I went to Dorney Park in Allentown, Pennsylvania the next day to collect more coaster blood (I've been on 79 now folks!!) it was at least a bit cooler. And I can tell you from firsthand experience that Dorney has some of the genuinely wettest water rides I've ever been on - and I've been on plenty!

Other highlights of the trip included a visit to Lombardi's on Spring Street in Little Italy - said to be the first pizzeria ever built in the United States, over 100 years ago. Very good pizza, indeed (and you have to be good to last in Manhattan that long)! And a real taste novelty - a trip across the street from Lombardi's to an - I'm not kidding - all rice pudding restaurant. Rice to Riches makes one type of dish only, and makes it very well. They have a website which you can look up if you don't believe me, a real NYC attitude and oh, yes - something like 30 varieties of rice pudding. If you are on a diet, this is NOT the place for you, but if you are on vacation . . . .

Kudos also to Lunella Ristorante on Mulberry Street, also in Little Italy, for their excellent cuisine. They may think they can keep me from finding out their recipe for Pasta Fagiole, but . . . .

I also visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art, where I goggled shamelessly at the collections of Japanese and Chinese art, and a special exhibit on the Mayan kings and their treasures. And at the American Museum of Natural History, companion and I took in special exhibits on Darwin and on Reptiles and Snakes. A visit to Mitsuwa Marketplace in Edgewater, NJ allowed me to procure some Japanese soap for my very fragrant collection (yay!) and mull over some oriental decorations I can't afford quite yet . . . . Alas, heat and severe thunderstorms on Friday dictated an early exit from Hoboken and kept us housebound. But with a little help from a super-character named Enigmatech, I learned a thing or to about playing City of Heroes. The battle against evil continues!

So now I'm back in Cow-Town-On-The-Hud-Castle applying for jobs and waiting to hear back on the two last-minute interviews I had last Monday (c'mon guys!). I've also been playing the human-vs.-housefly version of Doom, since the local population apparently decided to take advantage of my brief absence. Me: 25, Flies: 0 Back to the grind (sort of) . . . .

SLIVER ME TIMBERS!

2006-07-13T18:31:00.000-07:00

Sorry - but I never can resist a pun! Although I do think I have in some ways reached the height of professional absurdity today in having to file a Worker's Comp claim only a day before I'm laid off. Eleven years without one and now this . . . because of a sliver! Yes, folks, it turns out that the metal ones don't just dissolve, and aren't so easy to get out, either. But hey, life is always full of learning experiences. Not that I'm recommending this variety, mind! Still, it's good to know the tetanus vaccination I was forced to get during a physical two years ago may not entirely have been in vain - just in vein!

And speaking of recommendations, did I mention a strong one for Charles Sheffield's The Amazing Dr. Darwin? Methinks not, but it definitely deserves one! Go forth, buy and read, people! And give Bruce Alexander's Blind Justice a try while you're at it!

And if you are a were-parsnip in Connecticut, I may need to make a catnip raid/visit for the boys sometime soon! Feline does not live by Friskies alone!

Blogreader survey: does anyone besides myself think that string theory really could be the answer to unification between relativity and quantum theory? Love them parallel realities!

Mandatory Cute/Serious Kittypic!

2006-07-07T18:07:00.000-07:00

You can never really tell just what he's thinking, can you?

You Knew I Was Going To Forget Something . . . .

2006-07-07T16:50:00.000-07:00

Of course, it's only to be expected that I would fail to list in one session all the books I strongly recommend. So let's add a few more to the already looonnnggg list, shall we?

The Woman Warrior: A Girlhood Among Ghosts - Maxine Hong Kingston (autobiography)
Felton & Fowler's Best, Worst and Most Unusual (reference/humor)
Three Men in a Boat - Jerome K. Jerome (humor)
A Walk in the Woods - Bill Bryson (humor/serious/natural history)
Five Hundred Mile Walkies - Mark Walllington (humor/autobiography/nature)
Cats in my Belfry - Doreen Tovey (the title says it all, doesn't it?)
Bless Me, Father - Neil Boyd (humor/biography)
and (embarrassed to say I forgot!)
anything at all by Nathaniel Hawthorne!

Giving you something to read!

2006-07-04T05:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I realize I've not put up any postings for a couple of weeks, what with a water pipe exploding in the house, a storm putting my phone line down, just my 19th nervous breakdown etc. And yes, I have let some people down. I am hoping the chaos is dying down long enough for me to be more coherent (inasmuch as I ever am!) in the aftermath of my job loss - July 14th, folks! But in an effort to give you something to read, I am posting my oft-requested reading recommendations - books I strongly suggest you crack if you haven't already!:

Novels:

Cold Sassy Tree - Olive Ann Burns
I, Claudius - Robert Graves
Claudius the God - Robert Graves
A Redbird Christmas - Fanny Flagg
The Darling Buds of May - H.E. Bates
The Mayor of Casterbridge - Thomas Hardy
Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (yes, I know it's anti-semitic! I'm a Jew myself - get over it folks!)
Flashman - George MacDonald Frasier (and its many sequels!)
The Scarlet Pimpernel - Baroness Orczy

Humor:

Absolutely anything by Garrison Keillor, David Sedaris or Mark Twain!
My Family and Other Animals - Gerald Durell
It Was A Dark and Stormy Night (entries from the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest, collected and sequels Bride of Dark and Stormy, etc.) - collected and published by Scott Rice

History:

The Histories - Herodotus
Practicing History - Barbara Tuchman
Any of the English Monarchy series by Thomas B. Costain
Disraeli - Robert Blake
Books too numerous to mention here, and yes, you REALLY don't want to get me started on my favorite discipline . . . .

Mysteries:

Crocodile on a Sandbank - Elizabeth Peters (and SOME of its sequels)
The Alienist - Caleb Carr
Death On Demand - Carolyn G. Hart
The Family Vault - Charlotte Macleod
Miss Melville Regrets - Susan Smith
Silver Pigs - Lindsay Davis
Sleeping Murder - Agatha Christie
The Body in the Belfry - Katherine Hall Page
Anything Goes - Jill Churchill
Malice in Magoddy - Joan Hess

And above all, the GREATEST mysteries of ALL TIME EVER:

The Sherlock Holmes mysteries of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

These really belong in a category unto themselves!!

Horror:

Anything by H.P. Lovecraft
The Stand - Stephen King
Almost anything by Basil Copper
Something Wicked This Way Comes - Ray Bradbury
Ghost Story - Peter Straub
Christine - Stephen King
GRE: Graduate Record Examination General Aptitude Test - Arco Professional Examination Series of Study Guides
Animal Farm - George Orwell

Fantasy:

The Adventures of Master Li and Number Ten Ox:
Bridge of Birds
The Story of the Stone
Eight Skilled Gentlemen - Barry Hughart

Lord Darcy:
Murder and Magic
Too Many Magicians
Lord Darcy Investigates - Randall Garrett

The King's Dragon:
His Majesty's Dragon
Throne of Jade
Black Powder War - Naomi Novik

Any of the Dragonriders of Pern series by Anne McCaffrey

The True Game Books:
King's Blood Four
Necromancer Nine
Wizard's Eleven
The Song of Mavin Manyshaped
The Flight of Mavin Manyshaped
The Search of Mavin Manyshaped
Jinian Footseer
Dervish Daughter
Jinian Star-Eye - Sherri S. Tepper

Tea with the Black Dragon - R.A. McAvoy
Oath of Swords - David Weber
Interview with the Vampire - Anne Rice
Mythago Wood - Robert Holdstock
Druid's Blood - Esther M. Friesner
Mathemagics - Margaret Ball

The Discworld Series of Books by Terry Pratchett

A Wizard of Earthsea - Ursula K. Leguin
Cats Have No Lord - Will Shetterly

Science Fiction:

Lord of Light - Roger Zelazny
Neuromancer - William Gibson
Hardwired - Walter Jon Williams
I, Robot - Isaac Asimov
Windhaven - George R.R. Martin and Lisa Tuttle
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

Any of the Vorkosigan adventures by Lois McMaster Bujold

Ten Points For Style:
The Crown Jewels
House of Shards
Rock of Ages - Walter Jon Williams

The Majipoor Books:
Lord Valentine's Castle
Majipoor Chronicles
Valentine Pontifex
Mountains of Majipoor
Sorcerors of Majipoor
Lord Prestimion - Robert Silverberg

The Liaden Universe Books:
Agent of Change
Conflict of Honors
Carpe Diem
Plan B
I Dare
Two Tales of Korval
Pilot's Choice
Balance of Trade - Sharon Lee & Steve Miller

The Dream Park Series:
Dream Park
The Barsoom Project
California Voodoo Game - Larry Niven and Steven Barnes

I know I'm leaving a LOT out here people! But hopefully this will give you something to chew on for those busy times when I'm not blogging! And I wouldn't mind getting a few suggestions from you . . . .

Darn Those Catnip Hangovers!

2006-06-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, obviously I am going to have to set a better example for my cats. How can I expect them to give up THEIR addictions when I haven't given up mine? Guess I'll have to stop the fried chicken cold turkey! The sacrifices I make . . . .

Deep, dark confession!

2006-06-09T18:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'll admit it. I've done something tonight I'm just not proud of. We all have our snapping points, and I'm no exception. I acted in anger. I acted in haste. I acted on impulse. In my only defense, let me just say it has been a looooooooonnngg week for me and I am only human (most of the time). I could handle the fact that I had to stay late tonight at work because the Corporate Distress driver was running behind schedule. I could handle the fact that someone in corporate kept me on hold on the phone even longer. And I am somehow resigned to the fact that my job is being relocated to another city on July 14th, and that I am searching the want ads e'en now. All this I can bear individually, but the cumulative effects? Have pity, friends, or at least understanding!
So yes, I did it! That's right - I bought a dinner box of Popeye's fried chicken and had my way with it! And the cats didn't even get any! That's right - I ate FRIED chicken! With biscuit! And the red beans and rice! Go ahead and tell the Endocrine Group! See if I care! I've slain a chicken dinner . . . .
. . . . and I'll do it again . . . .

Haikus For The End Of The Knight

2006-06-04T17:14:00.000-07:00

Do Not Go Gently
Into That, Good Knight, I Say
My Flesh Is Tender

Your Lance Breaks Neatly
In My Grasping, Clasping Claws
Who Is Sorry Now?

My Breath Is Awful
And Not Only In Morning
You Will Feel It Now

Can You Sense The End?
The Death Of Heroes Is Sad
But Never Causeless

I Am My Hero
You Are The Wicked Burglar
This Is My Home Cave

The Princess Is Dead
Your Questing Is So Futile
I Pity You, Knight

My Dinner Arrived
Wrapped In Most Beautiful Foil
That Is Empty Now

Dessert Is Here Too
For Wherever There Are Knights
There Are Always Squires

Another Trinket
Broken Weapons And Glitter
Line My Cave Once More

Presenting the True Masters of the House!

2006-06-02T18:06:00.000-07:00

Of course, some people may foolishly think I am lord (or lady) of my domain, but the real, pathetic truth is, my presence here is merely tolerated because I have shown such a natural knack for opening cans and cleaning water dishes! Well, at least it's nice to feel needed! And if I make coy and clever use of the Petsmart coupon I just got, I may even be allowed to stay awhile . . . .

Dandelion

2006-05-30T17:51:00.000-07:00

The dandelion, a gentle flower
Not suited to funeral or wedding bower
Yet a reminder of our halcyon days
First sunshine youth, then wispy greys
Searches, springs up, makes a home
Sends future hopes off to roam
No thorny rose, nor snob crocus
But a cheery bloom a little like us.

Macy's Beware!

2006-05-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

Oh sure, around Thanksgiving you can watch those other parades, but where else can you really find a match for the Castleton-on-Hudson Memorial Day Parade? Where else can you hear a high school marching band version of "Play That Funky Music White Boy"? Where else will the marchers come right up onto your porch to hand you a free Flavor-Ice Pop? New York City? I don't think so! We've got it all right here, my friends! So be green with envy! And Macy's - don't feel bad! There's always next year . . . .

So am I a hotshot photographer now or what?

2006-05-29T06:30:00.000-07:00

So okay, I'm not making Peter Parker lose any sleep at night - but I'd rather take photos of flowers than supervillains any day. Unless, of course, they're really cute naked supervillains, but let's not go there! At left is my favorite photo so far - the marigolds at Devoe's Rainbow Orchards on Rt. 9 in Halfmoon, New York. It's a start. Soon I hope to have my own regular travel blog in which readers will be subjected to many, many more pictures. For now, I feel I am making progress - yes?

By the way, any of you who are reading this, if you know of any "hidden" tourist attractions or sites of historical significance in the Northeast, please respond - I'm looking for input! Thanks!

Revived From The Land Of The Lost!

2006-05-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

My router is working again - who knew?? Of course, it pulled the little stunt I expected - waited until someone else was looking, then came back to life just fine to make a fool out of me. Like a car refusing to make a funny noise when the mechanic is listening. Oy!

Acquitted of Jury Duty!

2006-05-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, folks, it was a narrow call today as I almost wound up getting selected as an alternate juror in a felony case! Yours truly, also known in some quarters of Rensselaer County as #162, has now had the experience of sitting in an actual jury box in a courtroom, being questioned by a defense attorney in the pre-trial phase. I don't feel at all slighted for not being chosen though! Turns out my fondness for cars - MY cars, to be precise - might have made me a less-than-optimal choice in a car theft judgement. I would do my duty fairly and as required by this great nation of ours if necessary, but frankly I am glad at the moment it isn't necessary. My continuing job search is taking enough of my time and attention as is! I'm more a fan of cozies than true crime anyway . . . .

That is, if there was a crime . . . .

Well, that's for twelve other people (and two alternates who aren't me) to decide. I, meanwhile, am free of this particular call to civic responsibility for another six years. So let me state unequivocally:

NYAH HAA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, but I just HAD to get that out of my system!

My apologies, by the way, to anyone who was hoping for more literary brilliance (and recipes) from my blog. The aforementioned job hunt really is driving me to distraction. I hope to make up for any deficiencies soon!

Yours, nonjurisdictionally . . . .

Can it be the madness is spreading?

2006-05-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

Already I have induced one friend to start blogging in earnest, soon my legions shall grow! Bwaa ha ha! Although I have all too little energy to put my thoughts here onto my own blog. But wait, for I hope to have a lot more to say soon!

2006-05-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

5/8/2006 - Warning to all would-be butterscotch-colored cat owners! They are nothing but trouble!!!! I'm not really sure if it's the fur color or not, but my cat Colum's malfeasance just has to be gene linked somehow! Anyone out there interested in forming a support group for butterscotch cat owners??

J's Journal

2006-05-08T18:23:00.000-07:00

J's Journal This is soooo Samuel Becket!

The New Martian Menace Blog!

2006-05-07T19:29:00.000-07:00

Actually, I don't think I'm that much of a menace - but I am at least moderately sanity-threatening and inclined to make chilis that are very threatening - so I tell my soon-to-be-hoped-for audience "be afraid - be somewhat afraid!" Because I have a blog of my own now, and I might even learn how to use it!